i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize