No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
