It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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