apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
