Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
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Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
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When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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