good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
