She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
