I have demons in me.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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