You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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