Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
And my parents said I crawled through the house
This can only be settled by a dance off.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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