So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
