someone get that fucking seahorse.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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