i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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