Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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