I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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