and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
