HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
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Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
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You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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