Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
