Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
