is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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