You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
