we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
