every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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