Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
