Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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