I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
