I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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