You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
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She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
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I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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