perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
