I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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