Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
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