I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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