I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
