I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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