The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
