Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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