get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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