and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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