i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
