Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
