You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
