well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
