Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
