I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
