I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
