Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
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Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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