Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
