So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize