Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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