I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
