I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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