You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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