Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Do vagina's smell?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
