i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
