I should be sponsored by Trojan
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
