When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
