He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
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