So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
