Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
