I think I died a long time ago.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
